I feel so insecure. I've never really felt this way when it comes to you. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad. I guess today my eyes were opened and I got a taste of reality. It made me really question myself. It seems as if this whole time, I never really took the time and thought about what you wanted. When did I ever stop and think about how you may feel. For all I know, you might not want anything that I do. What I have in mind may be completely offset compared to what you truly would like to happen. It's scares me because this whole time, I've been so sure and felt so stable but now, I'm not. I feel like I might be holding you back. Maybe the reasoning behind your actions are silently screaming that you don't want what I do and I'm just blindly overlooking it and selfishly choosing to block out the thought of not having you here. Time is not the problem for me. It's the uncertainty that is throwing me off. I don't know what is going to happen, and I absolutely hate that. I hate guessing. I don't want to say I hate waiting, because it's not that big of a deal, it's just that I'm wandering around without a single clue as to where I might be heading. Things could go in the direction that I'm desperately hoping they will go in, but on the contrary, things could go completely astray and everything that I have could be gone. I'm afraid of getting my hopes up too high just to have them smashed because of something that I was too stupid to come to realize. Am I overreacting or am I not reacting enough? Are you looking for something more from me? I'm afraid of the obvious. Is what I have to offer not enough for you? Are you seeking more? I wish I knew what I had to do, but sadly I don't. Do not get me wrong. I enjoy everything that we have and everything that we are right now. I would never in a million years want to jeopardize that because it's so amazing. Deep down though.. I just know that we could be so much more.
